i'm not even sure where to begin. i'm writing here because i feel some compulsion to seemingly "publish" my thoughts. It's a strange urge.
Life has gotten so incredible bizarre. I can't believe I've wound up here and wonder where I'll go. Sometimes I wonder if there's a point to this madness. I suppose the point in personal growth but it seems like constant stream of fucked up things.
this Lee thing is maddening. I don't know where I should stand. I want to see him more than anything in my life and no one seems to understand that. They think I should just give up. Maybe I should. When I remember how much I love him, I slip into a depression. Is it really too much to ask to see the person I love? My heart literally aches for him and I'm overwhelmed by it. He lives a care free life. He's life is carrying on slendidly and I'm sitting over here with my hand on my dick. I mean, come on! I'm not entirely sure what to do because I don't think I can win either way. I've always wanted someone, and I finely found someone. I found someone I could care about and who cared about me! And now? I can't do shit. I'm paralyzed. I can hear him laughing with his friends--in particular his girl friends--so loudly from all the way over the atlantic. this is pain. loosing your love because of distance is horrible. It just isn't right.
I'm not sure how to proceed. I miss him so much. I want to pursue my life and thrive. Is it so wrong to want him by my side while I do that?